Are we teaching youth responsible behavior?

Let’s face it, for those of us working with teenagers, we know that just telling teens to say no to drugs and alcohol and sex is not going to be effective. I think a new strategy is in order for discussing “adult behaviors”, by this I mean legal activities based on age such as alcohol. I am not advocating recreational drugs, but explaining what is appropriate for when they are of age.

For example, rather than just telling teens to say no, we should explain the responsibility that is involved with consuming alcohol, and waiting until they are 21. This includes having a designated driver or spending the night. We need to make it clear that responsible drinkers don’t drive under the influence. We also need to explain setting limits and how to be aware for signs of alcoholism. Another problem I see is teens not knowing what to do if someone has alcohol poisoning. We need to make it clear that they need to seek medical help for their friends who could have alcohol poisoning. Denying them information isn’t going to stop them from making engaging in behavior that is inappropriate. This wouldn’t be sufficient for any substance abuse issues, but it is at least a start to teaching responsibility.

We also need to model healthy relationships. This isn’t just about what to do on a date, but addressing domestic violence. We need to make it clear that any sort of abuse is not a sign of love. Part of this is also helping teens learn to set boundaries, whether this is choosing to be abstinent, to deciding that they only kiss on a first date. Importantly, they need to make these decisions before the heat of the moment. Teens need to learn how to set their own limits and decide what they are comfortable with in a relationship, and not just the physical aspects. I would also advocate expanding sex education to explain the need for regular STD/HIV exams and having open conversations with their partners regarding STD/pregnancies. We also need to promote condom use, and explain if they aren’t mature enough to take precautions and have these conversations, they aren’t ready.  We tell kids no over and over, but we need to realize that one day, if not today, they will engage in these behaviors. They need to know what responsibilities come with their decisions and to be educated.

We all know we can’t just say no to teens, but we need to have dialogues with them so that they can better understand how to be responsible when they take on adult activities. Nancy Reagan was wrong, you just can’t say no. Peer pressure is part of this problem. We need to let them know that not everyone drinks or uses recreational drugs or is having sex. We need to help them be independent thinkers so that they can make their own choices.